There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
