I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
