Got a toothbrush?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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