How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
