So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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