Your dad touched me again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
