You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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