So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
