i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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