1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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