I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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