Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
