im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
