my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
