are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
