It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
