My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
