I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
