He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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