I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
