dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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