How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
