i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
