I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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