you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
