I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
