Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
