A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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