Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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