so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
