how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
