About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
