i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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