he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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