if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you will always have a special place in my vag
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
