you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
