I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
