Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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