he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drake has all the answers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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