I'm so fucking centered right now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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