some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
