Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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