12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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