my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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