You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
