do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
