he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize