i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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