I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
