And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize