All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
