I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
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