im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
