this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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