So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
