And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
