I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this beer tastes like vomit already
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
