you guys were way drunker than both of me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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