Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
