I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
