Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
