Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I didn't notice because vodka
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
