so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
