I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
