I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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