yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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