I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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