I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
