dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
