Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
