Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have tasted many bathrooms
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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