He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
