so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
