so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
