apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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