Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
