those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He passed out mid-signature
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
