We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize