bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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