How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
