I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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