new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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